


Italy in Winter

by IceClownBenjiWyatt



Category: The Office (US)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-23
Updated: 2017-08-23
Packaged: 2018-12-19 00:03:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11885670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IceClownBenjiWyatt/pseuds/IceClownBenjiWyatt
Summary: WWII-era fic including letters and a happy ending.





	Italy in Winter

"It's so cold out-"

"I'm in love with you." Pam's gaze snapped to meet Jim's, her eyes wide and warm. Snow flurries twirled around their heads as Pam recoiled instinctively into her scarf, trying to figure out what to say. Her ring was suddenly scalding on her finger, and her skin was too tight for her body. Roy was expecting her back any second, and right now, the very thought of her fiancé made her stomach lurch. 

"I'm uh, I'm gonna need a response here, Beesly," Jim said nervously. A small chuckle slipped out of him, a sign that he was very nervous- flustered, even. 

"Jim, I..." They stopped outside of Roy's home, with Jim hunched and ready for a blow and Pam poised to run. "I am so grateful for our friendsh-"

"No don't, don't do that. Don't say that," he interrupted desperately. "I don't want that."

"You're going away tomorrow," she choked out. "And... and Roy..." she murmured, guilty that her fiancé was an afterthought in this decision. 

"You really want to do this? You want to marry that guy?" Jim asked exasperatedly, shuffling closer to Pam. 

"I-I love him," she stuttered, her eyes darting between Jim and the house. He turned his head and stared at Roy's house for what seemed to be an interminable amount of time. 

In a suddenly flurry of movement, Pam's head was in Jim's hands, and her lips were on his, and her heart felt like it was going to explode in her chest. He suddenly pulled away, her head still in his hands, and both of them chuckled breathlessly. 

"I've wanted to do that for a long time," he said with a grin. She smiled tentatively in return. 

"Me too." His grin grew wider, and he leaned in one more time. This time, Pam pulled away. "Jim."

His eyes searched hers for a moment, and then he nodded. His hands dropped and shoved back into his pockets, and Pam let out a breath she didn't know she was holding. 

"You take care of yourself, Pam," he said clearly, but with tears in his eyes. Pam watched his back as it disappeared from view before going back inside.

\----

Private James Duncan Halpert  
U.S. Army

Dear Jim,

It's been a while, hasn't it? I'm sorry I haven't kept in touch, I guess I was just waiting for tensions to die down. Although, I guess while I was waiting, things got pretty hectic pretty quickly. 

Your mother told me about where you were sent, and I couldn't wait anymore. I'm not sure of what I was waiting for, perhaps I just wasn't ready to tell you the whole truth. 

I broke my engagement with Roy the day after we kissed. I know it's probably too little too late, but I had to tell you. I'm frankly not even sure if this letter will reach you, but I hope it does so I can at the very least tell you how I feel. I was trying to push my feelings down for so long, trying to push my affections down for so long. The kiss broke down every barrier I had, and I didn't know what to do with that. I'm sorry. But I'm ready to tell you now, even if I never hear back from you again. 

I love you. I think I always have, but I explained it away as childhood love, or love that a sister has for her brother. You were right that day, when we were walking home from school and I stalked off angrily. I was scared to take a chance, I was scared to take a chance on even something that I knew would make me happy. But ever since I broke the engagement, I have not been as afraid. I decided to look into art school for my painting because you told me how good I was. I spoke up for myself. I decided to write to you, to tell you how I feel. 

When you left, a hole was left in my heart. I miss your goofy smile and your jokes and the way you would make me feel like the safest and most wonderful girl in the world. I feel so badly that I can only admit that to you now, with an entire ocean separating us. 

Your mother told me where you were going, and who you would be fighting. I know you're smart, you're so smart. But I'm still scared for you. Even if we can never be together, I'm still scared that you will never return to Scranton. 

I'm sorry that this has been a rambling mess, but if I could only get one letter through to you, I would want it to be one that had everything I wanted to say. And I suppose the bottom line is that I'm sorry I didn't take a chance when I should have, and I'm sorry I chose to do so when it doesn't really matter. But no matter what, I want you to stay safe. To the best of your ability, please, please come home. We miss you. 

Love,  
Pam 

\----

Pam,

I'm sorry it's taken so long to reply. I don't want to explain what has been happening over here, but just know that it's been a lot. When there isn't any fighting though, Italy is quite beautiful. I wish I was able to come here under different circumstances, but unfortunately, many things don't pan out the way we want. 

Before I forget, I have to tell you- there's a guy in my unit named Dwight Kurt Schrute, and I am still in disbelief that he exists. I will admit, he really catches the brunt of the Halpert Prankster, but please forgive me- it's just too easy. 

I'm sorry I'm keeping this so short, but I don't have a lot of time to write, so I'm keeping in the pertinent information. I am dating a nurse here. Her name is Karen, and she is very nice. I just wanted to let you know. 

Best,  
Jim   
\----

Tears slipped down Pam's cheeks as she read the name "Karen" over and over again. Her mother told her that these things happen, and many young men overseas have sweethearts- it doesn't mean that it's permanent in any way. Pam nodded numbly at what her mother was saying, but all she could think about was how she blew it. She could have had Jim, she could have been his sweetheart while he was away. Instead, she stayed with Roy until it was too late. Why had she done that? She was afraid, that's what it was. Of what, though? Being happy? What kind of lunatic is afraid of being happy?

"One that worries too much about other people's happiness," her mother responded. Pam wasn't aware she spoke her thoughts aloud, but her mother's response caused the tears to come faster. Small sobs wracked her body as she thought about the facts of the situation: Jim moved on. Jim was with a nurse named Karen, who was nice. She lost Jim. Jim could die, and Pam would never have him. 

Somehow, these facts soothed her sobbing, and after a few minutes, the tears stopped. She calmly folded up Jim's letter, placed it back in its envelope, and shoved it into the recesses of her closet. She didn't want to keep it at all, but if it was the last correspondence she ever had with Jim, she didn't want to throw it away. She wanted to write him back at some point, but as she thumbed through her art school pamphlet, the idea was pushed back into her mind. 

\----

"Pam, have you written him back yet?" Helene watched her daughter freeze in the middle of painting a bomber plane. Pam had gotten so caught up in art school and her new clerical position with the Women's Army Corps that she pushed Jim Halpert into the far corners of her consciousness. 

"No, I have not," Pam responded carefully, continuing to detail the plane. She had been commissioned to create a poster for the WAC, and it was turning into her finest work. 

"You should." As soon as the door closed, Pam let her tears fall.   
\----

Jim,

I meant to write you back sooner, but things have been so busy! I got a new job and I'm taking art classes, and I'm working on a project for my branch of the WAC. It's been so great finally being involved in something I enjoy, but it hasn't left me a lot of time to sit and write. 

 

She sat back and chewed on the end of her pen, trying to figure out what else to write. She looked out of her bedroom window at the sky, and stared at the stars. She replayed the events of the day in her head, from finally telling the boy in her art class that she had no interest in dating him, to informing her mother that she never liked her chicken pot pie- she just knew that Helene loved it. Ever since Jim's letter, Pam became even more brazen in what she did, and more active in living her truth. After what her mother said, she decided to become a more active agent in her own happiness, and now, that included telling people how she really felt. 

A few minutes passed before she crumpled up the letter and threw it in her waste basket, before turning to a fresh sheet. 

Jim,

I'm sorry I haven't written, but I just wasn't sure of what to say. I also didn't want to not write you back and make you think I hate you or something, because I don't. I guess I feel like the letter correspondence hasn't lent itself well to us getting back to our usual selves, and I don't want to seem like I'm trying to get between you and Karen. I really hope you guys are happy. Please, keep taking care of yourself. Stay safe. 

I hope we can talk when you get back. 

Pam 

\----

Jim kept Pam's first letter in the sole of his boot. 

He liked Karen a lot. She was smart and funny and pretty, so of course he liked her. She also spoke whatever came to her mind, which, while exasperating, did leave the guesswork out of how she felt. He liked her... but he kept Pam's letter with him everywhere he went, even on the one day he was able to take Karen on a picnic and call it a date. The only time Pam took leave of him was when he had sex with Karen, for obvious reasons. Luckily, he didn't have much time to waste on that. 

Her last letter came a few days before they had to be on the move. The past few months had been a waiting game, trying to keep warm and hold the ground they won before amping back up one final time. In the frigid temperatures, Pam's letter kept him warm, until the most recent one. 

He found he had no acerbic wit for Dwight when he asked what was bothering Lady Halpert today, and that there was still a chill in his bones even though the temperatures were rising. 

"I really hope you guys are happy." Jim looked up at the sky, and found the color was missing. Italy in bloom was beautiful, and suddenly it was in greyscale. He thought he kicked this. He thought when Pam wrote what she wrote, and he was with Karen, that this, whatever this was, was finally gone. 

"Hey Halpert, is this guy bothering you?" Karen strolled up and winked at Dwight as she patted Jim's hair. He found he couldn't move his head, but he put all of his effort into a small quirk in his mouth. He had only a few more days until his time could really be up, and the sky was dark again. 

"Jim?" He finally looked at Karen. Her brown eyes were warm, concerned. "What's wrong?" Jim stood up, finally tearing his eyes away from the sky and offering the crook of his elbow to Karen. 

"Let's go for a walk."  
\----

Pam,

I don't have a lot of time to write this, but I wouldn't forgive myself if I never got to send this. I think about you every day. Every sweat-soaked march, every move through the snow, you were with me every step of the way. 

I hope you'll be free for dinner when I get back. 

Jim 

\----

Pam slept with the note under her pillow. She considered studying nursing so when Jim came back, if anything happened... she could help. She tried talking to Helene about her idea until Helene rather callously interjected, "If he comes back." 

Pam already had that thought running rabid circles through her head. What if he didn't come back? What if she was doomed to an eternity of dinners with someone that wasn't Jim? What if he came back, but it wasn't him? Or he realized he made a mistake? She got to the point where she allotted herself time to cry and worry every day. If she didn't, she wouldn't be able to get anything done. 

To her credit, Helene tried to apologize for what she said. Buying Pam a medical textbook, new paints, a new dress for her date with Jim if- when he got back. But the seed was planted, and Pam kept the dress hidden in her closet. 

It felt like waiting for the world to end, and it took all Pam had to keep pushing through. Her artwork made it on posters throughout the eastern seaboard, and she was doing well in her classes. She started to pick up cooking, and learning how to dress wounds. Days melted into nights which melted even more days, and it felt like reality was slipping out of sight. 

She had just gotten home from class, and her mother was out volunteering. Pam missed her father a lot, especially when she came home to an empty house. It was her Friday, but instead of curling up and sleeping for the rest of the night, she decided to practice cooking a passable pasta sauce. 

She was in the middle of cutting garlic when three curt knocks rapped at the door, startling her into cutting her finger. 

"Oh fucking crap," she muttered under her breath, sucking her finger into her mouth. Whoever decided to show up unannounced and bang on her door like an ape better be ready to catch the brunt of her wrath. 

Pam grabbed a clean towel from the drawer and walked to the door, keeping firm pressure on the cut. Another series of knocks started as she angrily swung the door open, and then all breath left her body. 

There he stood, done up in his uniform and brass with his arm in a sling. There was Jim, he was here with a bright smile on his face. 

Tears flooded Pam's face and she flung her arms around his neck, and his good arm wrapped her up into him. He smelled like sweat and it was the best smell Pam had ever experienced. This was the best moment Pam had ever experienced. 

"Hey, Beesly," he murmured into her hair, and Pam heard his breath catch. She pulled back and looked at his face, and saw the tears in his eyes. 

"Would you... would you like to come in?" she stammered, gesturing with her bloody hand to the open door. 

"Good Lord, what did you do?" he asked, grasping her small hand to inspect it. 

"Your obnoxiously loud knocks scared me while I was dicing garlic," she replied sheepishly. He shook his head and gingerly guided her inside. 

"Can't take you anywhere, Beesly."

"Well, luckily I'm at home. So we're good," she laughed. She went to the cabinet containing rubbing alcohol, cotton balls, and Band-Aids to go about cleaning her cut. Jim's gaze followed her every movement, and he stared unabashedly when she came to stand by him as she cleaned her cut. 

"I missed you," he breathed, and Pam's breath hitched. Her cut, the garlic, everything was forgotten except for Jim. Her mind went on autopilot to wrap her cut in a Band-Aid, before she decided to remove Jim's cap. 

"I missed you too. I missed you so much." Her voice cracked at the end, and tears started to stream down her face again. "I sent that letter so late, I can't believe how late I was. I'm so sorry. I should've... I should've..." She sniffed, trying to clear her thoughts. She prepared this speech in her head a million times, and for some reason she didn't think about how Jim would cause all of her preparation to fly out the window. Bits and pieces of her planned oration just flew out of her mouth without any kind of order. 

"I wanted to admit it. I wanted to be with you. But my mom told me that I tried to just make everyone else happy, but me. And I knew you would make me happy. I don't know how long I was in love with you but it's been for such a long time, Jim." She looked from the floor to his eyes and held his shocked gaze. "I've been in love with you so long and I hate myself for not admitting it, or doing anything about it, until you left. I spent every single day wondering if I would never get a chance with you, because I refused to take a chance. And I'm, I'm..."

She stepped forward and connected their mouths. Words had finally failed her, but she got the feeling Jim would know what she wanted to say. The kiss was slow and soft, with Jim's good hand reaching up to cup Pam's face. 

This kiss was different from the night he left. That night, Pam felt hindered, unfocused. She wasn't all there, even though Jim was. But this time, she was with him. They were finally together. 

He broke from her lips after a minute, and both of them grinning at each other like idiots. "I love you" spilled from their mouths like childhood promises at the same time, and they giggled at how high school it was. 

When they finally pulled apart, Jim held his arm out and winked at Pam. 

"I think it's time I finally take you out to dinner. How does Italian sound?"


End file.
